I had a good conversation with a good friend today, and he reminded me…

There are no guarantees, ever.

See… I have this job, and it’s always provided me with some creative outlet.  As time has gone on though, the things that have always kept me interested in said job have fallen to the wayside, and things have changed, and so I’ve adjusted.  I started wearing the button-up shirt and tie everyday, I started checking, and rechecking, and checking again, work email on my phone.  I live and breathe this job, and feel like I have to fight against the current to be true to myself.

There’s security in my job, and that’s always been my reasoning for every decision I’ve ever made regarding my life…  “There’s security in my job”.  My friend reminded me today though that there are no guarantees, ever.

He reminded me of who I am, and why I used to make the decisions that I always made, and made me realize that I’ve been quietly judging people who don’t make the same decisions I do, based on this “security”.

Security is a great thing, but when it’s weighed against creativity, control over my own destiny, control over my department, and having to play political games, it’s less worth it.  It’s making less and less sense.  When I back up away from it, and see it in proportion to the other things that I’ve been looking at while standing so close to “security”, I see that it’s not a big as I thought.

So here I am, trying to make this music thing work, and realizing that I’ve been holding onto this security so hard, that I haven’t been able to let go.

I mean, I still have a family to provide for, and there’s no way that I can pay the bills doing music, right?  There’s no way I can do this for a living, is there?  These are the questions I ask myself everyday.

But as my friend reminded me today, there are no guarantees, ever.

Being a father, a husband, a musician, an artist, an owner of a design business, a leader of a design team at my 9-5, and working to take off weight that I’ve amassed over the past 10 years, tends to spread me pretty thin (although it hasn’t done much to make me such).

Sometimes it feels like a lot, and I get the feeling that I have to be everything to everybody.

If this represents how I feel about who I am, with each piece of the pie representing a piece of who I am, or expected to be…

Then this is how I feel…

Spread thin, expected to do, be, and accomplish a lot, but not doing especially well at any of it.  I’m seeing that something’s gotta give, but the thing of it is that nothing can.  I’m going to have to find a way to be everything to everybody, or at least do a better job with time management so that I can.

I know, it sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m working hard at not only doing what what’s expected of me (even if it doesn’t necessarily fall in line with my passions), but what I expect of myself.

This, is the battle.  To be true to yourself, while being responsible for the “responsibilities”.

Let me make this clear though… My family has been, is, and always will be, my number ONE priority.  While I am working hard to pursue my true passions, it is ultimately in the pursuit of a better life for my family.

So here’s to being a good father, husband, musician, songwriter, business owner, designer, supervisor, leader, and to losing all this weight!